1. My Youth

0:00Chapter 1, My Youth Many readers will be astonished that the author of this book, the title of which is My Years with Ludwig von Mises, writes a whole chapter about her own youth. Others, however, would like to know more about this woman, whom Professor Mises met when he was 44 years old, asked to marry him the next year, though he did not sign that scrap of paper, as he expressed himself, before he was 58 years old. It is It's not easy for me to talk about myself, but I think the reader has to know more about me, because otherwise Ludwig von Mises' decision to marry so late in his life would not be easy to comprehend. A knowledge of my own life will also explain why our marriage was happy. From my book, the reader will get an insight of what each of us brought to our marriage.

0:51I was born in Hamburg. Hamburg was then, and I believe it still is today, one of the most Hamburg was one of those three Hansestadt, Hamburg, Lubeck, Bremen, whose life differed

1:12greatly from all other cities in Germany. Hamburg had its own senate and its own judiciary, and its people had the reputation of being haughty and arrogant. They admired England and the English People, and they displayed a great similarity to the English in their living habits and customs. Whereas most Germans ate their main meal at noon, the Hamburg citizen followed the English custom and dined after business hours, when the day's work was over. At noon, the well-to-do merchants and bankers, dressed in their frock coats, top hats on their heads, walked along Alsterbeisen, on Jungfurtstike, the most beautiful street in in Hamburg to attend the stock exchange. Then they went home to their elegant houses, all surrounded by park-like gardens, to enjoy their money, and sometimes also their families.

2:03I did not know my maternal grandfather and I do not remember much of my grandmother. My mother's family was well known and rather wealthy. Two stories were told about them. One story was that my grandfather owned a mill and made his money with it. The second My story, which interested me far more since it captured my imagination, was that my grandfather, for some time at least, was a co-owner and administrator of the Hamburg City Opera. What I know for certain, however, is that my grandmother was an opera fan, and that one night she went to the opera in a far advanced state of pregnancy to hear Diakoma Meyerbeer's La Friquenne. The same night her third little girl, my mother, was born, and she rewarded the baby for arriving promptly by naming her Selica, after the heroine of Lafricaine. My mother did not resent this name as much as I did. On the contrary, she was very proud of it, and felt obliged to study music as a career and become a pianist. But she never played in public.

3:07My father's family lived in Hanover, Germany. My father and his family were not very close, So I know little about these relatives. Father, whom I adored, died at a very young age. He was restless, gay, very intelligent, witty and enterprising. My parents had married when young and the first baby was a boy. When I was six months old they went to America and my father studied orthodontics in Chicago. He intended to stay in the United States but my mother got homesick and after almost five years they returned to Hamburg where father Robert became one of the first dentists ever to work exclusively on children. So it was that I learned English before I learned German. My mother, who was ambitious for her children, my older brother died in the First World War, insisted that we speak English at home and employed an English governess for us.

4:00She did not want us to forget the English language. That proved to be one of the wisest things she could have done for us. I was sent to one of the best private schools in Hamburg, Elizabeth Goethe-Texter School in Harvesterhood. My mother was convinced that it would be necessary to learn foreign languages, and when I was about 12 or 13 years old she engaged for us a French mademoiselle. But apparently she did not choose very well. Once in spring my parents traveled to Brussels to see an exhibition. I came back unexpectedly wanting to surprise me in the park with Mademoiselle. It was a welcome surprise for me, but not exactly for Mademoiselle. Every afternoon she had left me sitting on a bench with a book while she went shopping for one or two hours. So it was on the day when my parents came. I seem to remember that was her last afternoon with me in the park.

4:56I loved school and became a fanatical reader. This surely was a heritage from my father. One night, when my parents had retired, I went into the living room and took the books he had read that day and brought them to my bedroom. I read them by candlelight, putting a blanket at the bottom of the door to hide the light. My parents never found out. When I was through with school, my father wanted me to study medicine, in which I had always shown a great interest. At that time there were no special high schools for girls. So my parents discovered the quickest way for me to get a degree was to attend the teacher When I was 17, I was invited to take the junior lead in an amateur performance, and by chance a reporter attended the play and wrote about me. That decided my future. From that day on, nothing interested me but the stage. I dropped out of the seminar one year before the final exams and refused to go back.

5:53My father had always been a great enthusiast of the theater. He knew his Schiller, Goethe and Shakespeare by heart. Almost every Sunday he attended a performance of a classic, and I was usually allowed to go with him. So he was not surprised by my decision. But my mother objected strongly. In those days a bourgeois family looked upon an actress as a lost sheep. One admired actresses, that was at that time as it is today, but certain narrow-thinking bourgeois were convinced that actresses were a better class of call girls, whom one envied on account of their elegance and their appearance, but to whom one felt morally superior. It was different with singers, perhaps because one knew that they received higher wages.

6:42Strangely enough, their private lives were not so much discussed as they are today. Home Home life became unbearable. My mother made life so difficult for me that one day I secretly put an ad in the newspaper and got a job as a tutor for an 11-year-old girl, the daughter of a banker in Cologne. I left home, but that was too much for my father. I assumed there must have been some high words between my parents. Anyhow, some weeks later my father wrote and asked me to come home. He said he would not object to my following the career of My Choice. The first thing for me to do was to see Carl Hegemann, who at that time was the director and chief manager of the Deutsch-Schossbrilhaus, the foremost theater in Hamburg. He took a liking to me and accepted me as a student actress without pay, even though I had no formal training.

7:33I was allowed to attend all rehearsals and performances, and was promised small parts when they would come up. Hagemann also made me take speech lessons with the official instructor of the theater. I attended rehearsals from morning to night. At that time, and I think it is most likely still today, all the theaters in Germany and Austria were repertory theaters, and young actors and actresses had to study about 12 to 15 leading parts that came up regularly at certain intervals in every theater. My honest enthusiasm excited the interest of by one of the leading stage directors, Ludwig Max, who also acted in classics. He was a tall, beautiful, white-haired old man, adored by the public. As is so often the case with comedians, he was a rather serious and reflective man. He studied with me once a week, never asked for a fee, and no one in later years was prouder of my success than he. He also He also regularly cast me in small parts in the plays he produced. Carl Hegeman was the first personality who really influenced my life. He opened my eyes to everything that was beautiful. He gave me books about art. He made me visit the old painters who were sources of ideas and colors for his productions. He showed me the close connection between music and the spoken word. Later, shortly before the Second World War, he conducted operas in Berlin.

9:01In later years, I played this role on every stage I appeared. There were two or three young actresses in whose future Hageman was interested. He used to call us his children. He himself had no family. Nothing concerning us was unimportant to him. He even tried to improve our taste in fashion. If a young woman has talent, he can do it.

9:31He used to say, she does not need to prove this by fancy clothes or make-up. Harmony in colors and taste is the main thing. Without knowing, Hageman did even more for me. He showed me the way to a second career which I took up later in Vienna after the death of my first husband. He knew about my upbringing and my knowledge of English, which he could not speak, and since he was interested at that time in a new adaptation of Oscar Wilde's Lady Windermere's Fan. Oscar Wilde was one of his favorite modern authors. He asked me to do a rough translation of it. That was a big task, and my work must have been to his liking. He corrected and adapted it, and twenty years after its first publication, Lady Windermere's Fan was printed in a new translation. Hageman gave me a leather-bound copy inscribed to Greta. Greta was the name I was called as a child, for her intelligent and sensitive help, the publisher. I still

10:31have the book. One of Hagerman's most brilliant productions was Oscar Wilde's Salome, and one of his greatest discoveries was a young Polish actress, Maria Orska. She claimed to be, how the relationship came about I never knew, the niece of the late Justice Felix Frankfurter, who was Austrian This young woman had the most beautiful eyes and most delicate and expressive hands I have ever seen. But she was far too heavy for her height. Haggemann wanted her to play the lead in Salome, but three weeks before her debut he told her he would not let her go on stage and dance unless she lost 15 pounds. Maria went on a diet and she was a sensational success on opening night. But it was the beginning of the end. She had taken to drugs and one One love affair followed another. A well-known banker, who was married but in love with Maria, committed suicide. He could not stand life without her. Maria Orska played a big part in my life. Because of her frequent indisposition, I got my first chance in the theater. Hageman

11:38was producing a new play, Gudrun by Ernst Hart. It was the old story of Gudrun and Siegfried Scene from Another Angle Originally I had a small part in the play, one of Gudrun's maidens. Maria Orska played Singend, the supporting lead, a young woman full of passion. One afternoon my telephone rang. Deutcheasvillhaus, Orska is sick. Could you take over her part tonight? Of course, I said. Be here half an hour earlier, came the reply. We'll give you a short rehearsal. We are sure you know the part. I came through all right. The next day I got a letter from the theater and a check for fifty marks. It was the first money I had earned in my life. I knew now that the world was open to me. Hageman advised me I would do better at a smaller theater where I would have the opportunity to play all the parts I had been studying. My agent looked around for an opening and, as a start, made a contract for me with the Stadttheater in Bremerhaven.

12:37The summer before, however, I had a job with Leopold Jesner at the Talia Theater, the second outstanding theater in Hamburg. Jesner was one of the three producer stars famous at that time all over Europe, Reinhard Hagemann Jesner. He was the original founder of the People's Theater, first-class literature with a good cast at popular prices. Among the actresses he had under contract was a young beginner whom I had met before. She was the daughter One day, when the Superintendent took me down in the elevator from Hageman's apartment, he asked me to meet his daughter, who wanted to become an actress. Her name was Emmy Sonneman. She was a slim, shy, blonde girl with regular features. Her talent never impressed me, but I shall always remember her wearing a starched white blouse and a blue pleated skirt. We spoke to each other frequently, and I liked her. She later became a woman.

13:35Well-Known Actress, but even better known when she became the wife of Hermann Göring and as such Germany's first lady during the Nazi regime. Bremerhaven, where I spent the next winter, is a small seaport near Bremen. Most of the big transatlantic vessels of the Hattberg, Hamburg-American line, landed there or in Cuxhaven, the seaport of Hamburg. I I was very busy that winter, on stage almost every night. I played Desdemona, Julia, Gretchen from Faust, Ibsen's Nora and more. I only stayed one year, then went to Lubeck, which had a beautiful new theatre, its interior all paneled in cherry wood. It also had a keen-minded director. There I was allowed to play almost every part of my repertoire, The director even had me play the Henriette and Strindberg's Rache, or Ecstasy, and the emotionally complicated Clara-Hunerwadel and Weidekind's Music.

14:36This little treasure of a theatre was burned down during the Second World War when struck by a bomb. From Lübeck I was called to Vienna with a very good contract for the Deutschwuchstheater, which at that time, after the Bergtheater, was the leading stage in Austria. When the public in Lubeck realized that a young actress from their provincial town was called to Vienna for leading parts, the theater was sold out whenever I'd played. My debut in Vienna was as rawhead and grill posers Euden von Toledo. I had a great success in this part, although one or another critic was disturbed by my North German accent. That would change, though, they said. My second part was Princess Ebolie in Schiller's Don Carlos. I was the youngest eboli ever on the Austrian stage. With me in this play were Fritz Kortner, King Philip, who later went to Hollywood, and Erika von Wagner, Queen Elizabeth, who a few years later married Fritz Steidri, conductor of the Metropolitan Opera. One of my favorite

15:38roles was the gypsy girl Masha in Tolstoy's Living Corpse. Another was Regine in Ibsen's Both parts I played with Moisey, the most famous actor of the time. Through friends I was introduced to Professor Emil Reich, the well-known Ibsen and Grill parser expert. When he heard that my stage debut in Vienna would be Rahel, Euden von Delito was the opening performance of the season, he offered to study the part once more with me. But you must never tell anyone about it, he said. As a trustee of the Volkstheater, Professor Rice was a small and, it seemed to me, very old man with a long beard. He was recently divorced from his wife. He gave me much useful advice and I was very grateful for his interest, but actually I did not like him very much. He was always in a bad mood, He was always negative about everything, but he worked with me on every part I played and explained and deepened my understanding and feeling. During my first weeks in Vienna,

16:48in 1916, I met my first husband, Ferdinand G. Serenny. He was Hungarian and much older than I. He was a man of the world and had a wonderful way with women. This and his intelligence, combined with his great concern for my well-being, made me fall in love with him. I called him We were secretly married in Budapest in February 1917. This secrecy had good reasons. In those days, every actress had a clause in her contract, which forbade her to marry without consent of her director. As I had not thought of marriage, I had not taken any notice of this paragraph when signing my contract. But now this prohibition against marriage seemed to me almost indecent, and I rebelled.

17:34I did not ask Director Vollner's permission to marry, and so my marriage had to be in secret, but very soon I got pregnant. Yet I had to go on acting. My roles were mostly young, innocent, seductive women, and I had to represent them with the knowledge of a swelling tummy. But I must have carried my baby well, for no one noticed anything, at least they made no remarks. I was six months pregnant when the theater closed for summer vacations. Ferry and I went to Carlsbad and later to Budapest, where my little boy Guido was born. From that very moment I changed. It was as if a cover had fallen from my soul, and love became another meaning for me. I felt the mystery of love a mother feels for her child.

18:22It came with the first cry of the baby, and will stay as long as I live. Shortly after Guido's birth, I wrote director Valner, was forgiven for my marriage, and asked to return to the theater immediately. And from then on I had to work as usual. It was hard on me. There was the baby who gave me so much warmth and happiness. And there was the theater of my work, which I loved and could not and did not want to neglect. The living conditions did not soothe my inner conflict either. It was the last year of World War I, and the economic situation in Austria was very bad. People stood in line at bakeries, meat shops, and groceries. Even milk for babies was scarce. In the restaurants, more and more ersatz was being served, and the Austrian people, always great lovers of good food, began to revolt. In Budapest, I had not noticed the misery so much. Hungary, though still part of the great Austria,

19:19and the Austrian Empire, was better off, since it was an agrarian society, and there was always plenty of milk and butter. And all the time I had no real home. Ferry and I could not live together. He had to stay in his apartment, which was too small for a family. The baby, the nurse and I lived in the Hotel Bristol. I nursed the baby myself, and when I came home from rehearsals or performances, the nurse and the baby were always waiting for me, the nurse scolding the baby crying. My physician was Dr. Ludwig Adler, who later became the director of the Elizabeth Hospital in Vienna. He also was my doctor later in New York. He often recalled to my memory how he met me for the first time. It was four weeks after Guido was born when we returned to Vienna. I got ill and my husband asked him to come to the Hotel Bristol.

20:10I shall never forget, he told me, in the fireplace a wood fire was burning. An elegant nurse with a blue veiling cap received me in the living room. All over the golden chairs wet baby diapers were hanging. At that time one had to wash thirty to forty diapers every day. A difficult task for soap was scarce and so were coal and wood. It was impossible to get a good apartment as hard as fairy tried. There was no peace in the world, no peace in my heart, and other events added to the inner turmoil. That season, a rather sensational charge was brought against director Volner of the Volkstheater, and without any intention of mine, I became involved in it. For personal reasons, certain older actors and actresses felt animosity toward Volner and accused him of morally questionable behavior toward young actresses, me among them.

21:04He was, so they said, directing Euden Fontolito in a morally offensive and improper way. When the case came before the jury, the old actors and actresses were not allowed to take the oath. I was sworn in. I declared that I never felt any misgivings about Director Vollner or his manners, and whatever he said and whatever explanatory movements he may have made during rehearsals, it was done, I said, in the keenness and enthusiasm of artistic work. Why do I tell this story? At that time I did not know Professor von Mises, who was still in the Austrian Army. But when later, after the death of my first husband, Ludwig von Mises and I met in Vienna and became friends, I told him about it. Some time later he surprised me by telling me that he had gone to the archives of the Neue Freie Presse and looked up all the records about the case. He had to assure himself that I had spoken the truth. I did

22:23not renew my contract and the newspaper said that I had resigned for reasons of health. I was, of course, in perfect health, and was offered immediately an excellent contract for the Talia Theater in Hamburg. Barry asked me to stay, but I was still too selfish to be able to give up my career. I accepted the offer, though I realized I would have to leave my child also, at least for a while. The war was over, the Austrian Empire was torn to pieces, Germany was defeated. Traveling from one country to the other was now very difficult. There was not even a direct train connection between Vienna and Hamburg. One had to change trains at the border, and the trip took 29 hours. The cars were not heated, there were few train personnel, and there was no food, no milk at any of the stations. I could not subject my child to that. I first had to find suitable quarters before I could have him stay with me. I left.

23:21In Hamburg I played the same roles I had played in Vienna, again with Moissy as a guest. But one evening there was trouble in the theater. Moissy, in director's garb, had attended, with permission of the resident physician, a child's birth in a hospital, and students and women revolted against him. There was such a commotion at the end of the performance that the actors could not take their bows, the stagehands did not dare raise the curtain, And Moissy never again came to Hamburg. I was very lucky. I found a furnished apartment, modern, heated, in a good neighborhood. Ferry was so hurt and unhappy when I left that he could not work in Vienna. I felt guilty about it, but I was not yet ready to give in. When the train situation improved, it was around Christmas. He came with Guido and the nurse to Hamburg and stayed with me for four months. When he left, I soon discovered that I was I was pregnant again, and now Ferry implored me to come back to Vienna when my contract

24:21expired. He finally had found an apartment, and it was to be ready by the time we returned. The apartment was beautiful, located on the sixth floor of one of the few buildings that had central heating, at that time still a great luxury in Austria. From the windows we looked far over the roofs of the old buildings to the tower of St. Stephen's Cathedral. At At all times we heard the big clock chiming, and on Sundays and holidays the bells were ringing. I loved that apartment. For the first time I had a home. Finally I was at peace with myself. For some time at least. When my daughter Gitta was born I took care of her myself, and when I caught our cook cheating us by selling our eggs and groceries, which were so hard to get, for lots of money to other people, I dismissed her and started I had plenty of help in the house otherwise. We traveled a great deal, but always in Austria, and the children were with us wherever we went.

25:20Ferry was a wonderful father, happy and proud about his family. In the summer of 1923 I took the children to Travemunde, a bathing resort on the Baltic Sea. Ferry could not get away immediately, but was supposed to come a few weeks later. That was the worst year of the runaway inflation in Germany and Austria. I carried a suitcase with me, containing money for one day. Every evening my husband had to cable fresh money for the value of the crone decreased daily. One day I got a telegram from Ferry's secretary telling me to come back immediately. Ferry was seriously ill. I rushed home and hardly recognized him. He died at home a few weeks later of a lung sarcoma. He was a chain smoker.

26:05His physician was Dr. Rudolf Streisauer, a second cousin of my future husband, Professor von Mises. I was twenty-seven years old when I became a widow for the first time, with two small children and the inflation raging. Ferry had left a letter in which he begged me to stay with the children and not return to the stage. The letter was surely meant for the best interest of the children, but Ferry could not foresee the outcome of the economic situation. Schilling had consumed the value of all savings. I remember how I found, some months after Ferry's death, a wallet of his containing large sums of Austrian Kronen, the old currency that had since been changed into Schillings. The time allowance for exchanging Kronen into Schillings had expired. The value of the money was totally lost. Though we still had some real estate, it was not the right time to sell. I knew I would have to work to earn our living.

27:01One day that winter the Deutsch Volkstheater called. Maria Orska was supposed to perform that night as a guest Rachel in Juden von Toledo. She was in such a bad state, they said, that she was incapable of going on stage. Would I take over? I could not. I had to let them down. Ferry's letter haunted me. I tried various times. I got interesting offers, but I never had the courage to go on stage again. I could not forget that letter. Today I know that he never should have written it.